It seems I'm going through a spiritual adolescence. The kind of self discovery gig you go through in your mid to late teens. “Do you like me - Why do you like me? - would you really care if I was to die tomorrow?” - That kind of stuff. Except this time it's accompanied by a balding head and a widening girth rather than zits and hormones and it's got more to do with self discovery rather than my self image.
The fact that I'm on a journey of discovery was highlighted for me a couple of times over the past few days. Firstly when I watched TV on Sat night heard again the now deceased American comedian Bill Hicks “It's just a Ride” speech:
It made me cry. On many levels.
It made me realise that certain parts of my “christian walk” have indeed been part of the bigger ride that is the church, theology, institutionalism, dogma. I've been a part of the “work a day church” (possibly I still am?) and at the moment I've chosen to get off of that ride. Not because it was too fast (I don't like fast rides) but because it was like the ghost train – too scary, too many dark corners with demons lurking in them. Demons with names like Control and Authority. But it's ok to get off the train because after all I paid to get on, so it's my prerogative to choose to dismount cos “it's just a ride”
Secondly, I reckon Jesus tried to tell us something different about the world through his philosophies – maybe not with the same theology as Hicks but he did try to make it clear through the language and culture of the day that “you don't have to swallow or follow this shit” - meaning the religious rhetoric and control of the priests and the Pharisees. They didn't like it did they. They had a lot invested on the ride. “Shut him up” was the order.
Lastly. The end part just tickled my hippy nerve a bit. “Here's what you can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace”. - Beautiful words Bill. Too political? Or worse mixing politics with religion? You bet your arse it is.
I might be wrong but I reckon Jesus (being God apart .....) was a bit of a political hippy. His message of The Kingdom of God being for the here and now and not some pie in the sky when you die deal was full of that last Hicks paragraph. Justice and equality for all. Don't take my word on this though. There are over 2000 bits in the Bible that tell christians that.
Check em out.
Also as I re read Jesus own mission statement ; “God’s spirit is upon me, He has sent me to bring good news to the poor, to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed,.”
and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed,.”
I can't help but reflect how literally this passage is taken in terms of it's Spiritual connotations. I've no doubt that it is a proclamation from Jesus that he is the “Chosen One”, that he is in fact God (no wonder the religious folk were pissed off. However, I think it it says so much more and I'm pretty sure Jesus meant it to. It's speaks of the spiritually poor and the literal poor. It speaks of the spiritually blind and also of the physically disadvantaged. I reckon the message Jesus was delivering was for the people of the day and for the people of today. I think he had a here and now justice and mercy agenda. It's definitely pertinent in England at this moment in the shadow of the recent riots. I'm not a great fan of ex prime minister Blair (even less so of the current leader and his puppy) but I agree with his recent statement on the riots when he said;
“I do think there are major issues underlying the anxieties reflected in disturbances and protests in many nations. One is the growing disparity of incomes not only between poor and rich but between those at the top and the aspiring middle class”.
I'm of the opinion that the splits in society are growing and that folk are frustrated by the concept of the haves and have nots whilst living in a must have society. Why? My thoughts at this time are down to the poverty of aspiration and lack of vision for how to get out of the social rut.
It's IS doable. It always has been. I did it and my best friend from my school days did it. We both grew up in poor working class families from a mining community. But we were allowed to dream, we were encouraged to have ambitions. I'm not sure that the same liberty to aspire to “better things” is encouraged either in family homes nor in broken communities.
Another thing that happened to make me realise my “teenage angst” was receiving an excellent thank you card from my friend Rachel which speaks for itself given my current position and state of mind:
Finally for today, my friend Redhead encouraged me in a FaceAche post concerning my reluctance to spend time around god botherers that “There is hope beyond the cynical and disenfranchised phase”. My response was that I am very happy being cynical and disenfranchised. I honestly am.
It's about choices isn't it? “But it doesn't matter because: it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings, and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourselves off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one”.
And right now I choose to grow me hair and explore space.
Who am I? What am I?
Today I am that fearful creature – a existentialist – I am Zen Dog
